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"'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it" is what they say.
But this is just another example of our society being fed dead wrong information through the media ... although I will say I heard a variation on that expression when I was growing up and that was before TV even: "I'm tired of hearing you say you're sorry!"
This is the point: It isn't about how the injured person feels about you saying you are sorry (or even about their opinion as to your chances for reform). The idea of making an apology is for the raising of the consciousness, the making conscious of poor behavior, the establishing of a boundry (even if it is broken again, or again and again) as to what it is the apologizer considers right and wrong behavior, it is about working off that boundry towards improvement, no matter how many times one falls back.
So "I'm sorry" does cut it," but even better would be: "I am sorry for such and such a behavior, which I have thought about and can clearly see is injurious to both myself and others, and which causes regret in the future. Please accept my apologies with the idea that I hope to improve my conduct in the future."
If the other person doesn't accept the apology, that is a defect in their personality and is no concern of the one apologizing.[1]
"This is progress, Beggars, in the system of the Ayya:
That is to say: Opening up, revealing, admitting, confessing, apologizing for offenses committed."
[1]There are these two fools, Beggars: One who does not see his own faults; and one who does not acknowledge the fault confessed by another. Acknowledging stands in in the Buddha's system for the Christian "Forgiveness." The idea is the acceptance of the idea that the other has understood his wrong-doing, and that that is the end of the matter; for an injured party, this is the mechanism of action of forgiveness without the assumption of power implied by the western concept.
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Tuesday, March 04, 2003 3:32 PM
