nonviolent communication is . . . ?
Nonviolent CommunicationSM (NVC) is sometimes referred
to as compassionate communication. It’s purpose is to strengthen our
ability to inspire compassion from others and to respond
compassionately to others and to ourselves. NVC guides us to reframe
how we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our
consciousness on what we are observing,
feeling, needing, and requesting.
We are trained to make careful observations free of evaluation,
and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us. We
learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others, and to
identify and clearly articulate what we are wanting in a given
moment. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt,
and needed, rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the
depth of our own compassion. Through its emphasis on deep
listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect,
attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give
from the heart. The form is simple, yet powerfully
transformative.
While it is taught through the use of a concrete [model], and is
referred to as “a process of communication” or a “language of
compassion,” Nonviolent Communication is more than a process or a
language. As our cultural conditioning often leads our attention in
directions unlikely to get us what we want, NVC serves as an ongoing
reminder to focus our attention on places that have the potential to
yield what we are seeking—a flow
between ourselves and others based on a mutual giving from the
heart.
Founded on language and communication skills that enable us to
remain human, even under trying conditions, Nonviolent Communication
contains nothing new: all that has been integrated into NVC has been
known for centuries. The intent is to remind us about what we
already know—about how we humans were meant to relate to one
another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely
manifests this knowledge.
The use of NVC does not require that the persons with whom we are
communicating be literate in NVC or even motivated to relate to us
compassionately. If we stay with the principles of NVC, with the
sole intention to give and receive compassionately, and do
everything we can to let others know this is our only motive, they
will join us in the process and eventually we will be able to
respond compassionately to one another. While this may not happen
quickly, it is our experience that compassion inevitably blossoms
when we stay true to the principles and process of Nonviolent
Communication.
adapted from Nonviolent Communication: A
Language of Life by Marshall B.
Rosenberg, Ph.D. Published by PuddleDancer Press, [available
from CNVC]
See also: The Spiritual Basis of
Nonviolent Communication [English] or Las Bases Espirituales de la Comunicación No
Violenta [español]
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nonviolent communication skills
As the name implies, this approach to communication emphasizes
compassion as the motivation for
action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or
justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting
what you want for reasons you will not regret later. These
techniques allow you to make conscious choices about how you will
respond whether you get what you want, or not. It is definitely NOT
about guilt and tricking people into giving you what you want.
The skills are built on Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg's application
of Nonviolent Communication. The process of NVC encourages us to
focus on what we and others are observing, how and why we are each feeling as we do, what our underlying needs are, and what each of us would like to have happen. These skills
emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we
make when we respond to others.
Nonviolent Communication skills will assist you in dealing with
major blocks to communication such as demands, diagnoses and
blaming. In CNVC trainings you will learn to express your feelings
without attacking. This will help minimize the likelihood of facing
defensive reactions in others. The skills will help you make clear
requests. They will help you receive critical and hostile messages
without taking them personally, giving in, or losing self-esteem.
These skills will be useful with your family, friends, students,
subordinates, supervisors, co-workers and clients. These skills will
be useful with your own internal dialogues.
NVC is a clear and effective [model] for
communicating in a way that is cooperative, conscious, and
compassionate. [to top of
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