The Horrors and Woes of Niraya

Evam me Sutam

The way I hear tell

Once upon a time

Savatthi-town

Jeta Grove

Anathapindika Park

The Great Master come-a revisit’n

And then one time there he said:

"It’s no easy thing,

Beggars,

To Describe

The Horrors

And

Woes

Of Niraya

So many

Are

The Horrors

And

Woes

Of

Niraya

And then he fell silent

So then, a' course, this Beggar

Pipes up

(*To pipe up good and proppa, ya first listen. Then ya fill ya pipe, lite up, puff, and puff again. Then ya puff a few more times meanwhile ponder’n real good. Then ya take ya pipe ouchya mouth and while holden the bowl and rais’n up the index finger in inquiry, ya ask ya stupid question.)

"But is it possible to make a simile for

The Horrors

And

Woes

Of

Niraya?"

It is

Possible,

Beggar,

Pay Attention

Give Ear

I will speak!

Imagine,

Beggars,

A

Beggar,

In

The

Grip

Of the

Guards

Of

Niraya

As they

Drag

Him

Off

Unwilling

Twisting

And Turning

The Body

This Way

And

That

To

Niraya

First

They

Tenderize him up

A Bit

They give him

The Panca

Vidha

Bandhana

The 5^th

Dimension

Piinanyinniinim

(Pali English Dictionary: The 5-Fold Pinion

Vaddhana

1. Exaggeration intensification

2. obsession fixation

3. arrangement

4. preparation

5. a bowl fragment

6. a garment (of sorts) > becomes Bandhana

1. bound up

2. downbound

3. arrange

4. join

5. handle

6. piece together

7. strap

8. give the Panca-Vidha-Bandhana

They Drive

Red Hot

Iron Spikes

Thru Both

Them Greedy

Hans

An They

Drive

Red Hot

Iron Spikes

Through Both

Tween Legs

And they Drive

A red hot iron

Spike right on

Through his

Circumcentrum

Focusa locusa

(that’s ‘es central part --

the Heart

of ‘es

Citti)

Right through

The Majjhima

And at that

He experiences

Painful

Sensations

Intensely

Painful

Sensations

Acutely

Intense

Painful

Sensations

But they do not

Say he’s

Served his time

(kalan-karoti -- do’n time)

until

he’s finished up

his

evil

downbound

deeds

O O O

The Horrors

And Woes

A Dukkha

They gotta

Inni

Niraya

And then

The

Guards

Of

Niraya

Hell

Lay

That Beggar

Flat

On

His

Back’n

Hue’im

Up straight

All four

Sides

Withey

Adze

And Then

They

Hang

Him

Up

Bound

Up

Up-end

Down

And

Smooth

Out

The Rough

Spots

Withey

Razor

(from: Rase. Middle English: Rasen; Middle French: Raser; Latin: Rasus--scraped or shaved from Radere (rodere/rat) to gnaw; Welsh: rhathell, rasp)

And Then

They Hitch

Him up

To a

Chariot

And

Drive

Him

This Way

And

That

INTHAPTIT

A

Smoldering

Charcoal

Neither flaming

Nor smoking

And Then

They Push ‘im

-n- Pull ‘im

Up an

Down

Them Slopes

A

Ash

-n-

Cinder

Burning

Blazing

In Flames

And at that

He experiences

Painful

Sensations

Intensely

Painful

Sensations

Acutely

Intense

Painful

Sensations

But not yet

Do they say

"He’s served

His Time"

For . . .

Not Yet

Has He

Cleaned

Up

His Evil

Downbound

Act

O O O

The Horroso

Sorroso

Dukkha

They Gotta

Inniniraya

And then

The

Guards

Of

Niraya

Hell

Take

That

Beggar

And

Toss

Him

Into

Red Hot

Boiling

Iron

Cauldron

#1

(Pathavi Apo Tejo Vayo

Fire Burn And Cauldron Bubble

At 212° Fahrenheit 100° Celsius

(up here at sea level))

(The hand drawn edition has (with):

Cloves (dried flower bud of caryophyllos Aromaticus)

Cinnamon stick (bark of cinnamomum zeylanicum)

Salt (old English: sealt; old Teutonic: salto; Greek gives Greek; Latin, sal; sodium chloride NaCl)

Mustard seed (for those who measure faith: Greek name; brassica nigra)

Fenugreek seed (trigonella faenum graecum)

Cumin seed (cumin cyminum)

Turmeric (ground root (mula) of curcuma longa)

Cayenne (ground seeds and pods of capsicum annuum or frutescens)

Corriander seed (coriandrum cativum)

Cardamom(pods and seeds)(cardamomum amomum or elettaria)

Black Pepper (Piper Nigrum) (Berries, corns)

With a picture of a cauldron, a little man on a rapid descent into the cauldron, and the words: (Serves One) right well

Amounts are given

Where’e

Sinks

Down

Til’e

Hits the

Patta

Mula

(The

Root

Of

The Bowl

Hits

Bottom)

A trip

Taking

60-

Thousand

Years

Then

He

Rises

Up

With

The

Scum

Taking

60,000

Years

And Then

For

60,000 years

The Guards

Stir

Him

In the Eastern

Way

And Then

For

60,000

Years

The Guards

Stir Him

In the Western

Direction

And Then

For 60Thou/annum

The Guards

Stir

Him

In the

Northern

Manner

And Then

For 60,000 years

The Guards

Stir’mup

Good

Inni ol’fashon

Suth’n

Style

And then

The Guards

Haul Him

Out

Withey

Gaff

Hay man! 

Waz appa’n Bro

Ma man!

Que Passo

Hey Guy!

How ya Do’n

Long Time

No See

What Rock Ya Been Hide’n Under

Howz Evera Thin

They Taken

Good Care

A Ya

Down

There?

Or, As The

Gods Put it:

"Ehi Bhikkhu!

Come Good Sir

At last Good Sir

You take this

Opportunity

That is to say

Of Visiting

Here!"

And Then

They set

That Beggar

Up

On Dry Land

And after the

Exchange of

Polite Talk

Compliments

And

Courtesies

They ask:

"Is there

Anything We

Can do for

You?

Maybe something

You

Want?"

And that Beggar sez:

"Yeah man,

I sure

Could use

A

Drink!"

So then them

Guards

Pry Open

That Beggar’s

Mouth

With

A

JACK

Fix Pegs

On His

Teeth

To Keep His

Jaws

Open

Jam

A

Funnel

Down

His

Throat

And Pour in

Molten

Copper . . .

Muchas any

Beggar’d

WISH

And that molten copper

Pas pas him lip

Pas tongue

Pasthroat

Passum ol’addamappa

Downiesophasug

Pass pancreas

Into the belly

And out again

Through the intestines

And out

The anus

Drag’n

Pleny’nuf

With a

Meanwhile . . .

Burning

Blazing

In Flames

And at that

He experiences

Painful

Sensations

(Hooee! Man that was some curry!)

Intensely

Painful

Sensations

Acutely

Intense

Painful

Sensations

And THEN

They

Say:

"But He

Has not

Served his time

Until

His Evil

Downbound

Way

Is Done."

O O O

The Horrors

And Woes

Of Dukkha

They Gotta

Inniniraya

And Then

The

Guards

Of

Niraya

Hell

Take

That

Beggar

And

Toss

Him

Into

Red Hot

Boiling

Iron

Cauldron

#2

60,000 Down

60,000 Up with the Scum

60 M East

60 M West

60 M North

60 M South

And you know?

When they haul

Him out

He sez:

Ya mon

I cu

Usa

Bita

E

Silver

Balls

Warmed up

Real Good

Pleny’nuf

Satisfacmactory

Mastication

Factory

And Then . . .

. . . cooking times as before;

slake the tanha with

molten gold

Then they toss him

Into silver

Cauldron

#1

and slake his

thirst

with

molten

copper

. . . silver

cauldron # 2 . . .

. . . molten silver . . .

. . . silver # 3 . . .

. . . molten

gold . . .

. . . golden cauldron #1

. . . molten copper . . .

. . . gold #2 . . .

. . . silver . . .

. . . gold # 3 . . .

. . . gold . . .

Well

There comes a time

After a

Long long time

But

Sooner

Or

Later

When

That

Beggar

Catches

On

So when

The guards

Haul him out

Set him up

And ask him:

"Is there anything

you want?"

He lies

And sez:

"No man

I don’t

Want

Any

Thing"

Nada

No

Sir

E

Bob

Nuthin

Attatititaw

So then

The

Guards

Of

Niraya

Hell

Say:

"Well then

Ma Man

Ya 'peer

T’av don

Ya time."

In The

Boiling

Iron

Cauldron

Hells

Tita peer

Thatcha

Ready

For

Placement . . .